A Child Not Embraced by the Village

This facade!

Iwacu, I am known for my sunshine
Warm picturesque smiles
Loud laughter that fills the room
Add a little sense of humor,
And that makes perfect me

It is what society accepts
It's who I learned to love
It's what makes them like me
But how do I do it?
How do I embrace one state of being?

It is quite simple
Bottle other emotions up- let Joy control
And throw them into the river
Across the sea, they go
Like the ocean of my existence they are

It is how society raised us
And it is how they expect us to be
Wake up, smile, and make everyone feel better
Then, cry alone at night
And do it all over again

Don't dare be sad
It makes everyone uncomfortable
You're damned if you are angry
"You should smile more"
“Wirakara nshuti y’ Imana”

There is what they choose to accept, though
Only what makes sense to them
Grieving? Be sweet about it
In pain? Say it. But just once, 
Because hearing you ramble about what goes through your brain hurts theirs

But out of this, 
I have learned quite a few things
That society does not care about how you feel
But how you make them feel about themselves
If we are doing this to each other, where's the end?

I have learned to celebrate my achievements by myself
To run to the bathroom every time I feel sad
To make everyone feel my warmth when I burn down
But am I asking for too much?
For us to embrace all sides of what makes us human? 

You want my patterns to be predictable
Edges a little smoother
Anger a little tamable
Pain a little untransmittable
To feel some of it just to feel good about yourself

But I want to reject this so bad
To open up and let those tears I held back fall
To do it in public 
To scream when I hit my pinkie toe
I judged New Yorkers, but now I choose to be one.

Do I suddenly feel unattractive to you?
Do I suddenly look like a monster
Or do I suddenly become human
Do I feel like an unfinished poetry
Or do I suddenly show you the mixture I am

"A child that is not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth."

PS: Of course I love happiness. I laugh and smile a lot. Many people tell me they can’t imagine me sad or angry. God knows I want to give everyone a million smiles and hugs. Everyday. But as a society, we need not to accept it as the sore way of existence.

Somehow I do dream of a world that understands. But first, I need to unlearn. Will you join me?